Frustration!!!

I haven’t posted in months.  I do feel bad, but that just goes back to my page title Overwhelmed Crazy Mom.

In January, I got a new job.  It has been a wild ride learning a new industry.  I had previously been been in the oil and gas industry.  Now I’m working in the security world.  No, I’m not a security guard.  I work with alarms and closed circuit television.  It may be electronics which is my background, but it’s definitely different.  I like it.

That’s the main reason for my absence.  Another is that I have one more class in order to achieve my bachelor’s degree.  I start it on Monday.  I will be done the first week of June.  I’m excited to be done, but after two years of these classes, I don’t want to be a project manager.  I can definitely use many of the lessons for moving into management.  I just don’t like the idea of a career doing projects.  I’m okay with my decision not to pursue a career as a project manager.

Now that my absence has been explained.  I want to talk about a phrase I read from an author, whose name I can’t remember.  WORD VOMIT!!!  In my new job, I spend a lot of time driving from job site to job site.  That gives me a lot of time to think about my stories that I’ve been working on behind the scenes.  I come up with wonderful ideas or phrases or whole chapters.  By the time I get home, I forget what I wanted to say.  I’ve been trying out free dictation software for my phone.  So far I’ve tried three different ones with no good results.  They all seem to turn off after a minute.  I talk more than a minute at a time. 

When I first tried one of them, I talk for a full thirty minutes and checked my phone to realize that it only had two sentences and a sentence fragment.   I was crushed.  Another couldn’t hear me.  Another just turned what I said into garbled letters.  It looked my when my children first learned that the keyboard made images on the screen.

kdsjf;oawiefnadfjdf asdfjoasidjfsd  opejpwej;sslo

It has sucked royally since I’ve started this little adventure. 

I’m trying so hard to just put my thoughts down so that I can create that wonderful story that will be a great novel.  I read advise from other authors.  I spent time reading other books like I am trying to create.  I have inspiration all around me, but no time to really spew the words on the page.  By the time I get home from work, I’m exhausted and still have to deal with school work and children and husband.  Honey-do does his best to take care of the kids, but he can only do so much since I have girls that want their mommy.

So back to the grind. 

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My Prayer in Crisis–A poem from a while ago…

I’ve been writing stories since I was eight years old.  Let’s just say that was a long time ago.  I started writing poetry in high school.  Again, a long time ago.  Today as I was trying desperately to clean up my hard drive of excess duplicates, I stumbled upon my file of poetry that I typed up along the way.  I have found as I perused my poetry that I don’t write to one specific style.  I just write what comes to mind that fits my mood or feelings.

This was written in 2001 and seems pertinent to my feelings today.

My Prayer in Crisis

When it rains it pours!

Problems sweep my life,

Flooded with daily chores,

My job as a wife.

 

But more pressing are others

That affect my living.

Siblings, dads and mothers

My heart aches from giving.

 

I just keep trucking along

Through all this crisis.

Dealing with what’s wrong

Praying God can fix this.

 

I’m only one soul

Searching for the answer

Struggling to stay whole

Not feed this crisis cancer.

 

My dear Lord, I pray to you

In your arms hold us tight.

Keep us safe through and through

Guide us to your light.

 

So we may understand

The trials that we face

Take us by the hand

To your saving grace.

Reading, Writing, and Puppies

It’s been a busy couple of weeks.  Honey-do and I started painting a house for my landlord.  Unfortunately, she waited too long I think to bring us in on this job.  The average daily highs have been in the fifties.  Now our paint job looks like crap.  She knows that we work hard on any task she asks of us; I just wish she would have asked us last month.

This week has been tiring for me though.  I’ve been camped out with my female Great Dane, Athena.  Two months ago she went into heat, and we didn’t get her sequestered quick enough.  My male, Morpheus, tagged her.  She has been miserable.  She’s too old to be having puppies.  With our move, we hadn’t had time to get her to new vet yet to get her fixed.  I think choosing a vet is like choosing a doctor.  You should find the right one. In my camp out, I’ve been doing a lot of reading and working on one of my novels.  The ideas seem to be flowing for this one. 

Unfortunately, I have made more work for myself with this one.  I have been writing old school.  I grabbed a notebook and pen and been scribbling down the ideas like mad.  I’ll have to take extra time to type it out.  Lucky for me, I have Dragon software on my main computer, so I can dictate it.  Now I just need to be able to escape to my room rather than babysit Athena.

My reading adventures have been with the author Kim Harrison.  I am hooked on the Rachel Morgan series.  I like it because Rachel seems just as messed up with decision making as I am.  So far I’m through book 5.  I have to get with my library to check out books 6 and 7 from a larger library.  This is where small towns can feel so isolated.  If I were employed with a steady income, I would just buy the books.

I have to picky about the books I purchase.  Years ago honey-do moved all my boxes of books when we were just dating.  He and I had chosen to move in together.  He begged me to weed out my book collection; so the next time we moved, he wouldn’t break his back moving my boxes.  I complied.  I realized that many of my books were read once kind of books.  I changed my reading habits to check them out at the library (or borrow from friends) and only purchase them if I liked them enough to read additional times.  Honey-do has never really understood my love of books.  He definitely can’t understand how I could read books many times over or be reading up to four different books at one time.  The best way I could describe my love of written stories is compare it to his love of certain television shows or movies.  He can watch some television shows in reruns multiple time over.  I told him books are like that for me. 

Honey-do does like that our daughters have developed a love of reading like me.  He learned as an adult that he has reading disabilities.  He blames these disabilities on the lack of interest in reading.  I don’t mind that he doesn’t read like me, but I have one complaint about my girls reading.  They pick some books because they know a movie has been made based on that particular book.  I have a rule that if they want to read the book and see the movie; they must read the book first before watching the movie.  They fight me about this all the time.  The thirteen year made that mistake once with the Twilight series.  While at a friends house, she watched the movie before she was allowed to read the book.  She has since read the books, but has disappointments about both the books and the movies.  Now she is reading The HostBoth she and I would like to see the movie, but we are waiting until she finishes the book.  She would rather have disappointment in just one, not both.

Back to the Grind

I realize that it has been months since I’ve posted anything on this blog.  It has been the epitome of overwhelming for me for the last several months.

First things first.  I had to make a choice to leave my job.  Though I made a reasonable wage, I could not afford the cost of living where I was living.  It had reached the point that I was making choices to either pay the rent or buy groceries.  I began short changing my landlord so I wouldn’t have to look at my children and say, “I’m sorry, but all we have to eat is rice.”  There are only so many ways you can spice up rice, not to mention the constipation it creates.  I realized that things were getting tough months before I made the decision to leave my job.  I went to my boss and asked what I could do to increase my technician level.  I was told that the process to move up was being reviewed for all technicians and he couldn’t do anything at that time.  I then petitioned him to transfer me to a location that was less costly to live.  All available openings were in areas that were equally as expensive or greater.  This July, I was asked by my landlord to move out or pay.  I couldn’t pay.  I just didn’t make enough.  I borrowed the money needed to move from my father-in-law and we moved home to the center of the country.  I now live in a podunk town.  The family is happier because here we have a real support system.

Secondly, my school work has filled a lot of my free time.  Even though I’m taking courses for an applied science degree, I have to take certain social science courses to make my degree valid.  I have no real choice because of the way my school has set up the degree program.  I find that with my technical background courses like social psychology and world culture are taxing to my brain and take more thought than I want to give it.  But in order to achieve the A’s that I’m accustomed to, I have to put in more time.

The rest in all about family, pets, and crushing candy on Facebook.

Since I don’t have a real job to drag my ass to each day, I’ve been working on my books.  The ideas keep coming so I’ve been writing as much as I can get to the computer.  The most recent idea has been so pressing that I just grabbed an old spiral bound notebook and have been going at it old school with a pen.  It can give a person hand cramps, but the paper can go with me around the house easier than my bulky laptop.  I’m not sure I would do any better with a tablet or ipad.  I’m sure I would find myself getting distracted by those candies that demand crushing.

I have one book completed except for the editing.  It is a ghostly story that involves four sisters.  I’m not sure if it’s worthy of reading.  I feel that it’s more of a back story to something bigger.  I’ve been mulling around ideas about leaving it on the shelf so to speak in order to develop the bigger story.

The one I started on paper is more of a conspiracy theory come true kind of story.  With our recent government issues and our family’s recent family movie night including movies like National Treasure, I have put together an idea that has kind of been touched on before in movies but not in the way that I’ve been thinking about.  I so far have the blessing of my thirteen year old daughter that it is good.  She’s been begging me for more pages.  I think I might be on to something with this one.

Writing goals

I started this blog to work on my writing skills. Well I can’t get better if I don’t actually write. Last weekend I spent time writing a great post about my Good Friday adventures but my crappy Internet service was once again down.

So one goal I have set is to utilize my lunch hour and my iPhone to post things. Another is to MAKE myself post a minimum of three a week.

So one silly family joke now running through our house is burps. My five year old, who doesn’t weigh hardly anything, has been belting out these loud manly sounding burps. Then, because I taught her to use her manners even at home, we hear a tiny little “excuse me”. It’s almost as quiet as a mouse. So now when anyone in the house burps, the goal is to see how quiet they can use their manners.

If I can ever get savvy enough to catch it on a video, I will even post it.